The pain of being right
by slaquan
Summary: Sharon disappointment in Andrea may lead her to lose the best thing that's ever happened to them both.


She couldn't believe that this was happening again after all those hard years alone. Sharon finally had her happily ever after even accounting for twenty years of legal separation and years of meaningless couplings. Nothing in her life had ever gone the way she'd planned it but this was her opportunity to get it right. The man who'd promised her a lifetime of love and honor devoted more time to his secretaries and briefs than her and their children. She hadn't been the youngest captain in the department and was trapped for most of her career in an office that left her hated and reviled. Ava and Adam were the only things she'd gotten right but even that was bittersweet. Although they knew she loved them and they her and she would do anything in the world for them she wasn't the one they called when they just needed to hear a parent's voice. She was always busy. The cases never stopped and her children learned to content themselves with having her only on special occasions. Andrea Hobbs was her chance to get it right but in a single moment it was destroyed.

Previously convicted child rapist and murderer Troy Rounder was being moved from Kern Valley Prison to county lock up after the appellate court decided that most of the state's evidence was due to an invalid search warrant. It was one of the first cases Sharon and Andrea had worked together even before her transfer to major crimes. Andrea assured Sharon that the case was solid even after Sharon cautioned her about the lead detective's history of skirting the law. It would have been good had the incompetent ass filled in the right date. His subsequent firing three years ago for possession was little comfort. When she found the file on her desk after morning report she'd assumed it was a mistake because no way he was up for parole. Taylor seemed to delight in telling her she'd again have the opportunity to clean up another person's mistake. Again. Why couldn't people just do the job that they'd been paid to do? Sharon liked to think that given enough time to calm down she wouldn't have reacted with so much obvious distain. But it was just a few hours after she and her crew went through five boxes of useless evidence when the blonde showed up for dinner.

She knew who it was even before Andrea walked through the door. The only consolation she had was she'd genuinely tried to leave work at the office but this case wasn't something Sharon could just file away. Rounder preyed on the most vulnerable, child sex workers. He gained their trust and abused it with cold and calculated brutality. She wasn't naïve enough to believe that the fifteen mangled bodies they found were his only victims and unless her team found more proof who knew how many would follow. It wasn't just a case. It had never been just a case but the thought that Rusty could have easily been another bound and gutted John Doe was more than she could handle tonight. So when Andrea came towards her looking relaxed and refreshed after taking a rare day off Sharon wasn't in loving mood.

"Hey sweetheart" Sharon heard as Andrea's arms were wrapped around her from behind and laid her head on Sharon's shoulder. "This smells amazing. I feel horrible you went to work and still had to come home and cook. I don't mind getting dinner."

"I had to use the chicken anyway besides I know that your idea of getting dinner usually involves lots of grease and cholesterol." She was trying to keep her tone light but Sharon could tell that Andrea knew that something was off by the way the younger woman stiffened in her arms before she kissed her shoulder.

"That's right only the best for my girl" Andrea laughed at their now familiar joke but tonight was the first time that the laugh was faked. "How was your day with the world renowned LAPD?" She asked as she set the table.

"It was interesting. Why don't you tell me about yours before we get into that." At that Andrea scrunched her face and stuck out her tongue like a little girl before holding a third plate in the air. "No he's having dinner with a friend. You're stuck with only me for entertainment." Sharon was treated to another expressive face that now had elements of lechery that she didn't in the slightest share. "So? Did you eat bonbon's as you watched Kim and Khloe and got manis and pedies?"

"Nope mimosas, Reese's Pieces and the Big Bang Theory." There were several times that Andrea attempted to start a conversation but Sharon was obviously too lost in her own head to follow. It wasn't that they generally needed the conversation. The fact they could sit in companionable silence was trait that they both enjoyed. For the first time neither were forced to chase away moments of contemplation because they were both what the other wanted and needed. However Sharon could tell that Andrea felt that tonight was different as she was lead towards the sofa. Sitting down Andrea sat at opposite edge and patted her lap offering Sharon a coveted foot massage. Any other time it wouldn't have been a choice but tonight Andrea's touch was the last thing to relax her. "Baby what's wrong?"

Instead of answering the question Sharon used an old detective's trick by asking the other woman a question to which Sharon already knew the answer. "Did you get any urgent phone calls from work today?" She could tell Andrea was thrown by the seeming non sequitur but she immediately responded nonetheless with a slight shake of the head. "I always wondered how the DA's office handled appealed cases? I mean do you automatically get reassigned the case or is there a team for that?"

"Should I answer that question or are you going to tell me what you really have to say?" Had anyone else said that to Sharon they would have quickly found themselves escorted to the opposite side of the front door. Yet even with her barely held frustration Sharon was touched that Andrea knew her so well and was so in touch with what she needed.

"I was just wondering if you were going to be the primary on the Rounder case since you're now the DDA?"

"What?"

"Troy Rounder convicted child rapist and serial killer."

"I know who the hell Troy Rounder is." Andrea said as she jumped up from the seat.

"I'm sorry I should have said Troy Rounder accused child rapist and serial killer."

"What are you talking about?" Sharon could now see her girlfriend's formerly royal blue eyes harden into iced sky blue. "What do you know?"

Sharon shared "Apparently his conviction was overturned" with a lot more control than she actually had.

"I worked that myself. There is no way in hell it was over turned."

"I'm sorry but I assure you that it was regardless of your assertions to the contrary." As if splitting from herself Sharon could see the dangers that this conversation was unleashing. In a very small corner of her mind Sharon kept trying to whisper that Andrea wasn't an irresponsible or incompetent cop. She wasn't a dirty scumbag that selfishly put the public at risk with her treachery. This was her girlfriend, the love of her life but right now Sharon was out and Captain Raydor wasn't accepting any excuses. "And if my team and I don't find some evidence to prove it he's going to walk and probably get a hefty settlement from the city to help him on his way."

The blonde's normally placid complexion was now fiery purple "This is not funny!"

"Do you see me laughing? Do I seem at all amused? I promise that laughing was the last thing I felt like doing as we shredded five boxes of useless evidence." The words were hard and angry but Captain Raydor's voice was as calm and controlled as any suspect had ever heard it. Andrea didn't have to say the words for Sharon to know what was on her mind. "Apparently the warrant was invalid"

"I went over it myself."

"Yes I know because I remember clearly asking if everything was in order." At that Andrea stopped her agitated pacing and looked sharply towards her lover. Before this moment it had sounded like Sharon was simply pissed about a horrible situation but this was the first indication that the irritation had a specific focal point."

"And everything was" Andrea again repeated her insistence of five years prior.

"The court seemed to have a little problem with the police using a warrant that was dated a week before the search actually happened." Sharon had seen the other woman in many situations in the seven years they'd known each other but this was the first time that Andrea literally looked green.

"I" Andrea started as she looked near throwing up "I couldn't have messed up that badly" with pleading eyes.

But instead of listening to that whispering of warning and pulling back from the explosive topic Sharon pressed on to destroy the woman as she had so many other adversaries that had the misfortune of getting in her way "Funny that's the first thing a first year law student says after the first hard test." It was the absolute wrong thing to say. She knew it even before the words were formed but when Sharon saw the Laurel green abruptly shift into eggshell white she felt it. Andrea's eyes instantly closed and her body stiffened as if physically struck her. Fuck was the only thing that Sharon thought but Andrea didn't give her time to respond. She immediately turned and walked out the door without another word.

That was a week ago and the last time that she was seen or heard by Sharon. In the moment proving the point was paramount but now seven silent days later even the rage of Rounder possibly getting off completely wasn't enough to blunt the increasing pain. Previously she used the emotions of loneliness and isolation to push through whatever case was before her. Now it seemed that every second was casting her further down and it was blindly apparent to everyone. She would never be Brenda Leigh as far as the team was concerned but the hard edges were softening yet now they were again looking at her as a stranger. Even Rusty had pulled away once he realized that not even his teasing or sarcasm would goad her into talking. Turning over at two am for the millionth time that night Sharon reached to turn off the alarm clock off in defeat. What did it matter she wasn't going to sleep tonight. She would not allow herself to remember the last time she had slept through the night. There was no point in wishing for something that would never happen again. Something that she had spitefully thrown away with both hands. Looking across the bed she spotted the empty wine bottles near the door and figured since she wasn't going to sleep she might as well make sure not to worry Rusty any more than he already was.

The plans were to pick up the house and maybe do a load or two of laundry but it was only when Sharon turned off the car that she realized she'd driven to Andrea's townhouse. Ordinarily she'd turn right around in embarrassment but the sight of a car on the outside of the garage stopped all logical contemplation. All of the rage and pain of the past week was overwhelming as she repeatedly rang the doorbell once she realized the deadbolt was in place. She didn't even stop when obviously hearing Andrea stumble around trying to assess the situation still hazy from sleep. "Oh my God Sharon are you okay?" Andrea asked as she almost tripped pulling open the door. "Are you or Rusty hurt?"

"What the hell is going on here?" At that Andrea stopped rubbing her eyes and looked up with hints of irritation bleeding through the fog. "I asked you a question"

"Are you out of your fucking mind? You come to my house in the middle of the night ringing my door bell like a fucking killer is after you and you're asking me what's going on?"

"Andrea I want the truth what the hell is going on here?"

Holding the door open Andrea became the angriest that Sharon had ever seen her as she growled "I was sleeping that's what the hell's going on! If you have something to say to me regarding the case then you can call me during normal office hours like everyone else. So if that's all I'll speak to you in the morning!"

"I don't give a damn about the case I want to know who you're fucking and if this is how you normally react whenever things get rough in a relationship!"

Before this statement the younger woman had stayed with her hand on the door giving Sharon as much room as possible but after cocking her head she slowly moved closer and openly started to sniff the air around the ranting woman in the middle of her living room. "Are you drunk?"

"Don't try and make this about something else. I want to know who the hell is in your bedroom"

"You are drunk" With wide eyes and an aghast expression Andrea pointed her finger in accusation "I cannot believe that you would risk your life and everyone else's on the streets life by driving drunk in the middle of the night."

"I am not drunk"

"I can smell it off of breath not to mention your clothes. You should know better than anyone what would happen to your career if you got caught. Do you know how many patrols would love to bring down the fucking former head of internal affairs with a DUI? Jesus Sharon what were you thinking? What would you say to Rusty and your kids?"

"Don't fucking change the subject." Sharon pointed into Andrea's chest. "How long have you been cheating on me?"

"You are going to go to bed to sleep this off and I'm going to forget that this night ever happened" Andrea announced as she finally closed the door and turned to walk away before Sharon pulled her arm and pushed her onto the door kissing her roughly. Without any of the usual gentleness or fineness Sharon used her body to hold the larger woman still as she shoved a hand into the blonde's robe. "Sharon" Andrea moaned while Sharon latched onto her neck. "Sharon oh God Sharon please baby." Sharon could feel Andrea's resistance weakening with each second until she asked again who was in the back bedroom and was pushed away. "So not only am I an incompetent prosecutor but I'm also a fucking cheater as well? Why are you even here if that's what you think of me? Why do you even bother to care?"

For the first time since seeing Andrea Sharon allowed the hollow ache she'd felt since their last night together to color her response as she lowered her head onto her girlfriend's shoulder and buried her face in her hair as tears ran down. "I'm so sorry. I am so sorry that I hurt you. Nothing means as much as you do to me. Not this case and not anyone else. Baby I miss you so much. I'm dying without you." Sharon expected to be the recipient of the same of rejection she'd handed out and again the Andrea's ability to give her what she needed rather than what she deserved humbled her. Arms that had been either actively pushing her away or passively hanging limp were now tightly wrapped around her. For the first time in a week Sharon felt the peace she'd come to associate exclusively with the younger woman. "Please tell me that it's not too late."

Kissed on the cheek Sharon heard Andrea breathe out "It's not too late" before she was gently pushed away and warned "Don't you ever do this again Sharon. Never. If you drove drunk and did something that I couldn't protect you from I would never get over it. Promise me you'll never drive drunk again."

Of all the things that Sharon thought that Andrea would hold against her the repercussion of a DUI was the absolute last. In that instant even in her cloudy mind Sharon could tell that Andrea was essentially better than her. Sharon liked to think that her ability to focus on the situation rather than emotion was so central to her character that it shaped her law enforcement career but she was miles behind Andrea. All the hurtful and terrible things said and implied that Andrea could have rightly held against her were secondary to the concern she had for Sharon's wellbeing. Sharon thought she knew what love was she'd been married and raised children but Andrea continued to inspire and amaze her. She admitted that she wasn't the leader of this relationship and if she didn't treat her younger lover as an equal Andrea's patience might one day wear too thin. "I promise"

"Good lets go to bed. We have a lot of work to do on that case." Andrea yawned as she led them towards the bedroom.

"Um I don't want to ask again but…"

"I reviewed some cases with some people from the office over dinner. One drove the other home after she drank too much. I'm going to drive her car to work and she'll drop me back off at the end of the day."

Looking down Sharon softly sighed "I'm sorry for everything" as Andrea slipped behind her on the bed.

"I love you."


End file.
